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Somewhere in the darkness it's hitting you the hardest

Updated: Dec 4, 2022

Although I can't promise you much, you'll be fine.

Such an empowering song New Normal by Khalid.

No, this is not going to be a dark read nor a sad one. Just more like a reminder that even when you find yourself in the most dark space in time, it's the subconscious that is talking and trying to give you some kind of communication to react. The key in those dark moments of experience, stay center, calm and use the conscious mind to convert that into positive affect. Having this awareness is important as knowing yourself.

How does the subconscious mind gets created, I asked once?

Ever since you were born? What about prior lifetimes? It's possible, I have yet to discover this myself.

The subconscious mind is like a storage deposit, everything you have experienced in your lifetime existence. Studies show by the time we reach the age of 21, our brain has already stored so much information that effects every decision we make tomorrow. It influences how we react to certain situations, our emotional and physical reactive feelings. It influences the road we are walking down daily and our thought process. It constantly doing its job on the back-end, just like when driving a car; the mind and body already know the information and just simply does it, but with you in the drivers seat. So who is control here?

Perhaps during my childhood years, especially the ages between 7 - 14, mainly in school, I was told "you are not good enough". This basic projection onto me got imprinted and deposited in the mind. Many times walked home crying. When I reached the age of 30, I had many moments where I just wanted to go back to my writing, perhaps start drafting my novel. The mind telling me, you don't have what it takes, took way too much time without writing, there is no way you can do it again. This thought process made me understand and see wide open space of how I was easily influenced in early stages of my life, as what society, teachers, friends, were telling me about me. All along I have been carrying the stigma I am not good enough. It's like flashback, light bulb turns on when the subconscious talks to me. I let it all express itself, face those uncomfortable moments, however I stood each time with a conscious mind and chose to dissolve those decayed beliefs. The more I worked on this, the less old stuck negative thought patterns were showing up.

The more I speak of how I want to homeschool my daughter and how early stages of children's development is extremly important for our future, the more people seem to be agreeing. People resonate with these kind of conversations because in one way or another, we were all affected by some negative circumstance, that later on surfaces and gets us in dark space. But mainly, what is it teaching us?

The dark space moment is time to sit in quiet place and calm yourself. To recognize those mental roadblocks, reflect and understand the mind what is telling you, to eliminate the limited thoughts created from whatever reason it was created on the first place. To understand that I am powerful to choose to respond in positive way, to overwrite the negative codes imprinted from the past, in a way to harness the subconscious with conscious effort of positive outcome.

Some of the practices I used during my darkest moments and emotional destruction were:

  • centering self with deep breathing at least 10x, deep inhale and exhale through the heart (allowing the heart to feel the awareness I am giving)

  • lots of grounding and connection with nature, rising with the Sun and meditation with the Moon

  • planting and gardening

  • drinking clean water and herbal teas, cook and eat foods that are powerful sources of nutrients for the mind and body

  • avoid alcohol and cleanse the colon

  • listening inspiring music and dancing

  • write, paint, read inspirational stories

  • connect with those who understood me and appreciate my uniquness

  • bathe with Magnesium Salt and lavender oils

  • before bed, read out loud mantra and gratitude expression

  • arise with gratitude and meditation

Nurture yourself, please. You can choose many different practices that suits your lifestyle and likes.

Above mentioned practices, I have been doing continuously for 3 years now, and all I can say I feel my BEST; the mind and the heart is connected, experiencing joyful moments daily. I feel it, know it and see it. Appreciating everything I have, everything I am receiving and giving. It is to my belief, getting back to the basics of centering with nature is most important, as everything vibrates as there is connectivity among all of us. Removing yourself from that instant gratification, removing yourself from toxic relationships, remembering wishful thinking could of should of would of is just an excuse. Knowing actions you take daily will affect the lifestyle and experiences you have tomorrow. The more you are in denial the more you are stepping back from opportunity to know self and become a better self.

Trust me once you up your mental game everything will shift in your life. Just play with the Universe, surrender and let is bliss you.

Much love my dear readers, as here it's Tuesday afternoon, sitting outside on the patio, mosquitoes are bitting me, waiting for the big Moon tonight, so I gotta go put some pants on!

Yours truly,


Journal 021

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