You know why this works so well between us? We get to be together and still do everything we want.
Here I am going to be journaling about stupid crazy love, that lasted for a impermanent time. That love that I couldn't hold myself together until I saw him again. That crazy love when I only thought about him and forgot about my dreams. That obsessive feeling, moderately toxic to the point where it chocked me to death. That constant texting when I wasn't around him. That "good morning, good night...come over, I am waiting for you under my sheets". Too attached, completely consumed, almost knowing it will vanish, clearly impermanent. Simply put, most of my love stories ended heartbroken. Unconscious desperation to be accepted, patters, looking to fulfill my temporary desires, fearing of being alone.
This could only last so little...
Be careful whom you love; very well - known saying. However, how do you tell your heart whom to fall in love with? Beaconed deep down, we all want to pursue our long-living happiness with someone romantically that is by our side. Someone that is part of us, while his/her individuality remains. This is profoundly important for me, to love unconditionally. The truth for me underlines, once I decided to find happiness in being alone, spent many full moons in solitude, I accepted the heartbroken experiences. I was able to reflect on memories and choices made carelessly, without blaming and judging myself. This came into full embodied of self-love.
Today, fully radiating my truth that everything is temporary in life, and sweet enough to be romantically courageous to be with someone I cherish and love. The beauty of the fleeting and imperfect nature of the world, we are always evolving. On the contrary side, am I ready to be in a committed relationship? I really won't know this until I have someone to fall in love with. I do dream of that crazy healthy love, where we both feel safe and supported. Where we feel complete and boundless, wildly together for whatever time serves us. Where friendship is initiated at the beginning and stays until the end. Where honesty and respect are top priorities, with mutual understanding of integrity. Where we spend quality time together and also have personal time and space. Organically growing in togetherness, without fearing of losing one another. Supporting each other's dreams and goals, without swaying the curve to selfishness. Communicating and acting upon what is said to be. Traveling the world, and feeding each other with culture and delicious food. Jumping bare in the sea, chasing sunsets, and counting the stars under a full moon and palm trees. Fluidly romantic and expressing love language in ways that creates the heart to smile.
Maybe, I am a big romantic dreamer, but what I know is, I am not a hopeless romantic anymore, nor naive. So I will take my time, until I meet someone that deserves my sweet love.
Much love dear readers, make the best of Be My Valentine and romance self until you find The One.
Gasija
Journal 031